Just a little bit

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Hello!

It’s been a little bit since I wrote anything. Things have been hectic with work and life. This past week has been rough. My dog got ran over. That really hurts, we’ve had her since she was a puppy. I’d show you a picture but my trafficker has seen her and it’s a safety issue to do so. I miss her, a lot.

Yesterday, I did a hard thing. I went to my drs appointment and had my “womanly check up” a nurse lady held my hand, I squeezed it really hard, I hope it didn’t hurt her hand. It was so triggering. The part that triggered me the most was actually a loud click type noise and the worst part is I’m not exactly sure why, although I have an idea. The entire thing was triggering, but I noticed that part was a bit more so. But, I got through it. I ended up at my best friends house after, but I got through it. By the end of the day I even cracked a joke or two, go me! 😊

I also had therapy before my Drs appointment so it was just a long day mentally. In therapy we are working on mindfulness to increase the size of my hippocampus I believe is what she called it, because apparently during trauma that part shrinks. My therapist complimented me on how well I’m doing, she said a lot of people wouldn’t be able to function the way I do. What she doesn’t know is being strong is the only way I know how to survive, it’s a survival tactic. It’s all I know. Plus, my mom raised a warrior, a strong warrior if I do say so myself. I got my bravery and my strength from her. My therapist also reminded me that these are my sessions and I don’t have to answer questions if I don’t want to which is good, I needed to be reminded of that. I’m not used to not having to answer questions when asked, I’m not used to having control of anything, so I’m trying to learn that.

So, I also went to my first zoom meeting for my classes this week. I was excited about that. It was nice to see and hear other survivors. I learned a lot and it was a really good thing. I think that’s all for now, thank you for reading and coming on this journey with me, it really does mean a lot.

Always look for the light! Don’t forget to shine! Never let them win!

~Tiffany

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