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Just a few thoughts

Photo found on Facebook

So, this week has been okay. I’m going to my best friends so that should be fun. I’m still reading our book club book for this month it’s called The Sentence by Louise Eldrich. It’s good so far. I still have a ways to go. I’m really tired right now, maybe I’ll write more later. Don’t forget that you are amazing!

Always look for the light!

Don’t forget to Shine!

Never let them win!

my healing journey

It’s been tough….

This week has been long already. It’s been really tough. I want to talk to someone, but I don’t want to burden anyone. I’m getting triggered more than I care to admit, but the good news is they aren’t so bad as they could be because I’m using tools I’ve been learning in therapy, go me?

Sometimes I wish someone would tell me they know I’ve been through hell, even if they can’t imagine it, but that they are there to listen if I need it. Sometimes I just want to yell, Do you know what it’s like to be trafficked for years or to be trafficked at all? I just want to fall apart, but I can’t. So here I am, writing because writing usually helps. Today, I just want to curl into a ball. I’ll try again tomorrow, maybe it will be better. I don’t want to be a burden.

Always look for the light!

Don’t forget to Shine!

Never let them win!

my healing journey, my story

This weekend

Good morning!

This weekend was a little rough, but it worked itself out in the end. Friday and Saturday I couldn’t get a memory out of my head.

*May trigger*

One of the guys my trafficker had me be with when he (instead of using trafficking world language I’m going to try to use polite society language) entered me? He asked me how many times I’d been raped. I just looked at him, how in the world am I supposed to know? His response was so many you don’t even know? And he continued what he was doing.

So, me being me, I played with some math assuming it was just one time per day that is 3,650 times…. It was rarely just one time per day, and in this part I’m speaking solely of my trafficker, not the others…. Those happened when he wanted drugs, which sometimes he’d take a break from for a little… (the longest was two years I was lucky then) until he changed his mind and went on a binge… I was raped continuously for three days then) anyway, I’m trailing off sorry…. So, It was usually on average about three… which makes it over 10,000 if we say two it’s over 7,000. (Statistically speaking the average for human trafficking survivors is 7 times a day, so I guess in that way I’m lucky??). No matter which one you use it’s a lot, and I was lucky if it was only once or twice…. My best friend said numbers don’t matter in my case, but I can’t seem to get them out of my head. (My best friend made a clarification, I knew what she meant but maybe I didn’t explain it well here, she doesn’t want me to focus on numbers because they will drive me crazy and not because they don’t matter) I have therapy today so this should be hopefully helpful.

Sunday was a good day though! I got sunflowers! (They are my favorite because they always look towards the sun/light!) I also got a card, went to the bookstore and got a few books that were on sale. I found a frame for a picture my friend sent me! Then when we got back we had a nice dinner of fish and fried rice, then we all went out for ice cream! It was a really nice day!!

The picture at the top is of the sunflowers I got and this one is the frame I got! Have a beautiful day! How was your weekend?

Always look for the light!

Don’t forget to shine!

Never let them win!

~Tiffany

Beauty From Ashes

my healing journey

Thought 3

I really like the quote in this picture. I’ve been having a rough few days, my memories have been hitting me hard, plus a few other things. However, there have been things that have made me smile and remind me of the good too. I hope that one day my story can help someone else. I might post more in a bit, but I wanted to share this quote with all of you.

Thank you.

Don’t forget to Shine!

Never Let them Win!

my healing journey

Heavy

So the word of the day yesterday was heavy. My therapist asked my to describe how my trauma felt in my body and I said heavy. It’s heavy.

It’s so very heavy. 10 years, a decade of my life, I was trafficked for. Not to mention the abuse in my childhood, (I was raped by a friend when I was ten) that’s fun. (Sarcasm). Yesterday’s session was hard. We slightly went over a few things. Her homework for me is to do a body scan three times a day. Wish me luck!

I’m tired I think I might go back to sleep now. Good night.

Never let them win!

Don’t forget to Shine!

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Thoughts from the day

I just wanted to say Thank you to everyone for your likes on my posts! They are greatly appreciated. I’ve had my blog for a little over a month and already have 200 likes! Thank you.

Today has been fun, I took a little nap this morning because I was still tired, as I’m writing this I still feel a little tired, but that’s okay.

My family and I played miniature golf today it was fun! We also had some ice cream! I didn’t win though but that’s okay. My therapist gave me homework to go outside for 30 minutes a day and I think that counts. 😊 I think I might read a book for a little bit now.

Have a wonderful day!

Don’t forget to Shine!

Never let them Win!

~T

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Any ideas?

Hello everyone!

I’m thinking of have a post a week that is a fun lighthearted post because I know sometimes my journey can be hard and I imagine reading it can be hard and sad as well. Due to this I’m thinking of having at least one fun post a week, but I’m not sure about what? I’m thinking maybe a book I’m reading or something. Does anyone have any suggestions? I really enjoy suggestions from others!

Thank you for reading,

Don’t forget to shine!

Never let them win!

my healing journey, my story

Word play…

Do you enjoy words? I usually do. I love reading. However, when I was with my trafficker there was one word I was not allowed to use…for anything and that was no. I was not allowed to say no, but sometimes it slipped because there wasn’t a better way to answer the question than with a simple no.

Example situation(this was not the actual question I honestly can’t remember what the actual questions were but probably something equally benign)

Trafficker: do you want pizza?

Me: No.

Trafficker: did you just tell me no?

Me *thinking shit shit shit and how do I answer that without saying no*

Me: I didn’t mean that I meant pizza sounds good.

So word play, I had to find my way around the word no, or be silent which equally incurred his rage. So it was a no win situation. The best option was always to agree with what he said.

I can’t explain the utter fear that came with that situation, even writing about it brought back that fear, if only for a moment.

I think I might make no my new favorite word, simply because I can. Here’s to taking my power back. No more abuse. No more slavery. No more trafficking. No more!

Don’t forget to Shine!

Never let them win!