my story

A part of my story…. (1)

Hello everyone,

April is Sexual Assault Awareness month, so to help raise awareness I figured I would share part of my story. Please note this post may be triggering and read with extreme caution, it mentions instances of sexual abuse and human trafficking, among other things.

Trigger warning

The first time my trafficker sold me to someone else, I was pregnant, I wasn’t far enough along that you could tell. I was coming home from work, he said he had a surprise for me. I was 19. He had me put on a dress (ironically a dark blue one, the same color as the human trafficking awareness ribbon) and makeup, I didn’t have much.

He told me to go see a guy in another room, I said I didn’t want to he grabbed my arm and told me I didn’t have a choice…. I was scared of a lot of things by then, but mostly for my unborn child, so I went.

I did what he wanted, because I was pregnant he didn’t use a condom, not that any of them ever did anyway.

When I got back to my trafficker he told me he sold me to him for drugs. What he said didn’t process…. Then he had his turn three times, I just wanted a shower.

I blame myself a lot for not leaving then, but that is hindsight bias as my therapist would call it. I remember at the time how utterly afraid I was to leave, I didn’t feel I could, I was so psychologically, physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally abused even by the first time he sold me, he had me so afraid of him and other things that I couldn’t leave at least not safely. So, I try to give myself grace… I was with him for ten years.

I’ve shared this part of my story with an anti-trafficking organization previously to help raise awareness so I’m hoping me sharing it here won’t be too triggering and this will work like my therapist said by putting it in a container and pressing x.

This is how it was shared to raise awareness of trafficking

Thank you for reading.

Don’t forget to Shine! Never let them win!

5 thoughts on “A part of my story…. (1)”

  1. Beautifully written Beauty from Ashes.
    But don’t put it in a container and press x. You would be erasing some part of yourself if you do that. I suggest no x-ing. Instead look at all your thoughts however random, body sensations even if they don’t instantly make sense as you retell this story and the feelings. Feelings are the hardest to experience, because of their volume and further meaning for the sufferer. When fully experienced our past experiences dissipate, dissolve, we tell story and it doesn’t upset or jarr us any longer. The part of self instead of being erased with the painful bits of the story would now grow stronger, more confident. More like your true, genuine, human, natural, unique self. The Beaty from Ashes. The beauty while the ashes naturally subside and dissipate.., as your name suggests… Love reading what you write.

    Liked by 1 person

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